plans.

warning: this is a long post. to keep your eyes-and attention-moving down the page, i’ve included photos of my cute puppy (:

the other day, i read this: “my husband is not my soul mate” (it’s a wonderful blog post for girls and guys alike, and i highly recommend it considering it’s what inspired this post..)

so, while a little bit of something died inside of me (*panicking* you mean God DOESN’T have my husband picked out?!)…another part of me came to life.

i’m realizing that the only thing that God really has planned for me, is my sanctification. (i’m no theologian or saint-and maybe this isn’t “right,” but it’s completely changing the way i look at life.)

sanctification, (as described in #RecoveringRedemption at The Village Church) is where we live as children of God, armed in the Holy Spirit, standing firm in the gospel and engaging the spiritual battle over the reign and rule of our hearts.

abby!

aka, sanctification = being made more like Jesus (because it’s physically impossible be just like Jesus).

to me, this process of being made holy was somewhere buried (way) beneath the other important things i was focused on filling my life with: my career, my future husband, my personal achievements, my dream wedding/home/__ fill it in___, etc.

and to be honest, for a long time i didn’t really care to understand what “being made holy” actually meant. it sounded far-reaching and unrealistic as far as i was concerned-especially as a lukewarm Christian. not understanding what it meant (and lacking desire to understand what it might mean), the word lost all significance, relevance and importance in my life.

as i focused on myself and the things i wanted for my life, my lukewarm faith grew cold. i attempted to escape this still small voice in my head, but it wouldn’t go away. the more i tried to silence it, the louder it became.

unable to ignore it, i began to listen..a little bit. i would gradually listen more and more and before long i was doing this whole chasing Jesus thing. growing in my faith, i learned more about sanctification, but i struggled to relate it to my life- believing lies that i was unworthy to undergo such a process.

sanctification aside, i believed God had plans for my life. i stuck Jeremiah 29:11 on my wall in college and it became a deep rooted truth that i clung to –

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

while this verse is true in the sense that God does know the plans He has for me, that do include hope and a future…it doesn’t mean that those things are what i’m imagining them to be.

God’s plan for me is my sanctification.

abby’s version of work

and while God isn’t speaking to me-he was addressing Jeremiah-i do believe that prosper, protection, hope and a future are all summed up for each and every one of us through this one, very powerful “S” word.

and while i wholeheartedly believe that God intends to provide blessings throughout this process, i no longer think my life is this script that God wrote for me to recite, line by line. life is not black and white, as i had pictured it to be.. life is full of COLOR!

to give you an example of my black and white thinking, i’ve pretty much had two very extreme mindsets on the spectrum:

far left.. i thought i had to do everything for myself: i had figure out what my dream job was and find it, secure my husband and organize all my life’s plans in their proper place.

far right.. i thought that God planned everything for me: He would drop me into a startup business (with a plan and everything), ship Mr. Right to my front door and plan all my “perfect” moments for me.

and while i didn’t live out either of these beliefs to the T, it was more of a striving for one or the other at various stages in my life…and things never worked out as i expected them to. clearly, because neither extreme is actually possible.

luckily, God has something so much better than what either of those options offer exclusively. His plan lies somewhere in between:

i do have to start my business, but He helps me.
i do have to be intentional in my pursuit for a husband, but He helps me.
i do have to plan my day wisely, but He helps me. 

think Proverbs 3:6 –

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

and remember Psalm 37:4 –  

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

it’s the perfect pairing. i’m not doing all these things, puffing myself up on pride and achievements, but i’m also not sitting around being showered with gifts for “loving” God. (i say “loving” because sitting around isn’t actively showing love. this is not to be confused with resting in the Lord, which is an act of love.)

God knows what He wants for my future. God knows me.  but God has equipped me to make decisions: He simply asks that i seek Him in all my ways because He wants to write this story with me. #beautiful

what happens if clean clothes are left on the closet floor..

if I choose to wallow in the wait with continuous questions of who, what, where, when, why and how…I’ll be too busy doing unnecessary research looking for answers that i won’t find, because they’re in the story that i’m supposed to be writing!

on the other hand, if I run full speed ahead in the direction that I think I should be going without asking Him for guidance, I’ll end up crashing into the unforeseeable barriers and losing control on the hidden twists and turns.

as a recovering perfectionist, when i don’t know what God wants  me to do, i find myself reaching to the “right,” an old habit of “making sure I don’t do it wrong.”

it looks the same every time:
i panic as i can’t find what i’m looking for.
i stall to make a decision, where i’m flooded by fear.
i settle for inaction out of defeat.
and it’s all because i’m looking for an answer that doesn’t actually exist.

i know! “doing everything right” is not possible but lies of perfectionism lead me to believe that the lack of possibility comes from a lack of perfection which just needs to be perfected in order for the possibility to present itself (it’s an evil, twisted and viscous cycle of lies).

AND God has given me the wisdom for the moment-He wants me to make a decision. it’s like my boss-he hired me. he pays me. he still employs me. when I have to make a decision, does he want me to come to him and ask him what he wants me to do, every time? NO! he wants me to make decisions that i am capable of making, talk to him about it, and seek him when i really don’t know what to do about something. this is very much like God.

so i am continually, actively having to remind myself that some things just aren’t possible, and no thing is perfect (except Jesus).

does this sound familiar? if you’re sitting at either one of those ends of the spectrum, if running back and forth between both ends, or if attempting to escape the line itself..ask God to meet you (He’s actually already there-He just wants you to acknowledge it), start walking (because you know how to do that) and then start talking.

don’t know Jesus? say hello (He knows who you are and He’s more than ready to walk with you). then read some awesome truths about who He is (just keep scrolling)

know Jesus? ask for some help (yes, more). ask him to help you see where you are on that spectrum, and where he wants you to be. keep focusing on Him (Him does not equal you) and running in His direction (not in the direction you “feel” like running in-if you’re like me, you’ll most likely just lose time and energy and run in a big circle, only to find yourself facing the same fork a few years down the road…yeah #notasfunasitlooks).

abby loves sunlight! ..and pretending to be a guard dog

WHAT REALLY MATTERS: now that i’ve left you with my thoughts (thank you for reading this far), i’d encourage you to focus on some super awesome truths –

Jesus is perfect and relatable, Hebrews 4:15-

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

He is always with us, Matthew 28:20-

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

He tells us to draw near to Him, and He is close, James 4:8-

Come near to God and he will come near to you.

He is the light, 1 John 1:5-

 God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

and He helps us, Romans 8:26-

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.

thanks for reading!
love.
nina

#liveLOVE